Important post about blogging.

Yes, this is going to be another post about blogging, but it’ll also be the last (at least for a while).

Those of you who’ve followed me for a couple of years (thank you so much for still caring), I know that I was a “better” blogger before. I posted at least once a day and I wrote from the heart. I still write from the heart, but it’s slightly different now.

The main reason for my lack of posts is pressure. Too much pressure. For a while I wrote lots of posts I ended up saving as drafts, after a while I jus’t couldn’t be bothered anymore.

I still share events and glimpses of what goes on in my life, but mainly I share what I see as progress. In a way, that’s cheating. It says something about what I’ve achieved and that I’m moving in the right direction, but there are so many ups and downs, stumbling, falling, doubts, insecurities and worries on the road from somewhere to something better.

I love writing. It helps me in so many ways and if I didn’t express myself through written words, I’m not sure I’d be here, alive, today.

Writing is reflecting and while doing so, I open my mind and it gives me a whole other perspective. It makes me see things more clearly and understand things better, it makes me understand myself. While I write I’m able to organize the thoughts inside my head, it’s peaceful, soothing, therapeutical and it makes me stronger when I’m able to process what’s going on. It gives me more weapons to deal with the demons inside my head.

But then there’s doubts. I think too much and too often my thoughts get the best of me. It’s a big deal for me, to be able to be honest and open about such personal things.

I have an eating disorder. I have agoraphobia. Together they’ve reduced my quality of life to such an extent that I’ve caught myself wondering what the point of all this suffering is, more than once.

I don’t blog about shopping, glitter, glam, outfits or make up. What I write is deeply personal and sometimes it scares me. Or to be precise; what I think other people think of me for being the way I am – scares me. 

Do you see how ridiculous that is? Because I do. That exact sentence is what’s holding me back from sharing what happens between A and B rather than updating every once in a while when I feel like I’ve actually made progress when it comes to getting better.

I’m sure everyone have worried about what other people think of them at some point, some of you might do it all the time, like I do when it comes to my blog.

Writing this is actually a huge relief because it puts things in perspective for me, it allows me to see how ridiculous it is to be held back from doing something I love (writing) based on what I think others think of me. That’s completely out of my control and I have to stop over thinking when it comes to this in order to get over it. If you’re wondering why I don’t just pick up a pen and write things in a notebook instead, I’ve previously stated that I find it triggering and self destructive. When I write something someone will read, I put more effort in to it and I choose my words more carefully – exactly because I do not want to trigger others or myself. Another point is that I want to explain what makes me think/feel the way I do as accurately as possible because I don’t want those of you who read my words to misunderstand me.

I am who I am. I am exactly the person I’m supposed to be.

My life is what it is. It’s far from as bearable I wish it was and so far I haven’t achieved any of the “normal” things I’d like to accomplish before I die, but I’ve achieved so many other things in my life, things I truly hope no one else would ever have to go through. It’s important for me to remember where I’ve been and what I’ve survived.

For starters – I’m alive. A fact many people seem to take for granted when it comes to themselves. I fought a great war before I got to the point that I realized that I do want to live and I believe life has to be more than what I’ve experienced so far.

I have recovered from self harm. Self harm is a deadly addiction that almost cost me my life more than once. I never thought I’d make it, but I have.

I no longer fit the criteria for borderline personality disorder. This means I’ve had to work incredibly hard when it comes to changing bad habits, breaking destructive thought patterns, learning new coping strategies, but above all – learning to use this knowledge and my new tools and weapons in order to change my life. This might be hard to understand for those of you who’ve never struggled before, but I know a lot of you who read this will be able to imagine how much it takes to make it to the other side. It IS possible to recover from BPD, even though a lot of people claim it isn’t. They say “people don’t change”, but they’re wrong. Anyone can change.

These are huge, important things that had to be done and dealt with after deciding that I want to live. I’m still far from where I want to be. I still struggle with atypical anorexia (with bulimic tendencies) and agoraphobia. I’ve made several steps in the right direction when it comes to recovering from agoraphobia, but I’m still not as free as I will be, eventually.

I’d still very much like to document my journey through words and images (as my sidebar says) and continue sharing it with those of you who read this blog. The point of this post is to remind myself to not give a fuck about what other people might think of me.

I have come very, very far compared to how my life was back in 2009 when I was at my worst.

I have changed the person I used to be, to who I am today – a better version of myself.

What am I fighting for? Improving my quality of life.
Who am I fighting for? Myself.
Who am I writing for? Myself.

This is my journey and I’d still very much like to share that with you.

Now I’m done blogging about blogging, from now on I’d like to focus on what’s important; my journey from here to something better.

Advertisements

18 Responses to “Important post about blogging.”


  1. 1 Mona 28. October 2013 at 17:03

    Du stopper aldri å overraske Karianne! :) Fortsett å gjør det som er bra for deg, og gjør det du har lyst til å gjøre – i ditt tempo! Jeg står på sidelinjen og heier på deg :)

  2. 3 Cynthia 28. October 2013 at 17:31

    Thank you for writing this! Even with your imperfections, you are still incredibly inspirational.

  3. 5 Helene Sophie 28. October 2013 at 19:24

    du er fin og tar nydelige bilder <3

  4. 7 cassielostsoul 28. October 2013 at 20:28

    Syns det du skriver er veldig viktig, jeg stoppet jo selv å blogge fordi jeg ble så presset på alle kanter; blogge, ikke blogge, hvordan blogge, blogget feil, hva skal jeg blogge om hva VIL jeg hva burde jeg.. det ble for mye, endte i kaos og jeg ga meg for presset. Jeg elsker å skrive, det gir meg utrolig mye og jeg trenger kanskje ikke utdype for deg hvor mye, for det skjønner du jo, men det gjør meg fortsatt litt trist iblant.. nå har jeg nemlig mistet evnen HELT. Og det har knust meg…
    Aldri slutt å skriv Karianne, du er en kjempestor inspirasjon for meg. Jeg husker jeg fant bloggen din for noen år siden, leste og syntes så synd på deg..samtidig ble jeg villt imponert over hvor sterk du var (og fortsatt er!) og at du aldri ga deg. Fall etter fall, kamp etter kamp reiste du deg igjen. Imponerende. Så mistet jeg adressen helt, levde livet mitt som ble betraktelig værre videre, før jeg fant den tilbake igjen da jeg googlet “bulimi og overspising” eller noe sånt. Og jeg bladde meg tilbake i arkivene dine og kategoriene dine og så at; jeg var ikke alene. Noen andre hadde også opplevd dette helvette som meg. Jeg husker jeg ble helt sjokkert for jeg trodde jo det bare var meg!! Og selvom det ikke er noe jeg unner noen, var det fint å se. La dine ord hjelpe meg å finne mine i dette mørke hullet. Jeg vet du fortsatt sliter, men jeg håper alikevel å komme like langt som deg en dag. Jeg mener det, jeg har fulgt deg LENGE og jeg er mektig imponert og du er en av de personene jeg virkelig ser opp til!

    • 8 Karianne 30. October 2013 at 18:38

      Tusen takk for lang kommentar og fine ord! Trist å lese at du sliter med det samme, jeg håper du klarer og holde ut. Som jeg stadig sier til meg selv; livet må jo være mer. Har du hørt sitatet “tomorrow could be the best day of your life, but you’ll have to be alive to see it” ? Synes det er vakkert og viktig. Blogget du offentlig eller anonymt? Hvis presset er for stort men du savner å uttrykke deg, kan du kanskje blogge anonymt istedenfor? Bare en tanke.

  5. 9 mrianne 28. October 2013 at 23:38

    Heier på deg! Gjør det som er rett for deg, for å bli den personen du vil bli. Du når dit – jeg har ikke tvil. Alt godt til deg. :-)

  6. 11 laipai 29. October 2013 at 03:18

    <3 <3 <3
    Og du, GRATULERER MED DAGEN <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  7. 13 Marthe 29. October 2013 at 10:55

    Gratulere med dagen:) Håper det blir en god dag<3

  8. 15 Melanie 29. October 2013 at 18:25

    Gratulere med dagen :) <3

  9. 17 lillianhh 30. October 2013 at 23:32

    Jeg følger bloggen din selv om jeg ikke alltid får kommentert så liker jeg bloggen din :), men jeg vil også fortelle deg Karianne at du og din åpenhet hjalp meg til å være åpen selv til slutt, du og noen få andre inspirerte meg,og nå blogger jeg også mer åpent, så tusen takk for det du har delt de siste par-tre årene jeg har fulgt deg og for at du var du<3
    Og så håper jeg du finner din veg og det du synes er riktig. det er det viktigste <3 Heier på deg og har tro på deg. du er sterk og tøff! :) <3

    Gode klemmer og gratulerer med dagen <3 :)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




Bloggen skrives av Aria, 25 år.

Mer om meg og bloggen, finner du [HER].

Bloggen inneholder sterke bilder og det finnes innhold som kanskje kan virke triggende enkelte.

Jeg har to hunder jeg til stadighet nevner, lille Zahra som er av rasen italiensk mynde, født i 2006 og Nick, en whippetgutt som ble født i 2012.

Skriving er terapi. Tekstene er personlige, les med respekt.

Alle bildene er tatt av meg selv, med mindre det står kilder under.

Ber om at © respekteres, både i forhold til tekst og bilder!

Kontakt:
ariaolea@gmail.com

Kategorier

Arkiv


%d bloggers like this: